It's Okay, I'm Alright
by On the road so far
Summary: Set after Season 12 Episode 3. This is Sam's point-of-view, meant to be a companion piece to Everyone Leaves. This one just came to me. It's shorter than the other one, but I feel it's as long as it needs to be. Hope I've captured Sam's character and his feelings regarding this.


_I've been through wors_ _e,_

Sam kept thinking, his eyes shut tight as he unconsciously rubbed an old scar on his left palm, one he'd asked Castiel to keep when the angel had healed him of all other scars. A momento of the struggles he'd been through, and what it had taken to conquer them.

He'd never known a normal childhood, not like Dean had, albeit very briefly. The hunting life, with the constant moving around, cut-short friendships, broken bones, and a broken family was all he had ever known. All he had never wanted. His father and to an extent his brother had mistook this need for normalcy as selfishness. To them, he had abandoned his family. In truth, he had needed to break away from the vicious cycle of vengeance and pain. He had healed from the loss of the mother he never knew, but they couldn't.

He had found his happiness in Jess, something he wished he could have shared with his family, but it was his nonetheless. And then in an instant she was gone, and the punches just kept coming. He was a freak, not built for normalcy, and try as he might he couldn't escape it.

God, he'd fucked up so many times it was a wonder Dean still considered him his brother. That was one of the many things Lucifer had tormented him with: disappointing Dean. First the psychic crap, then not being able to save Dean from his own time in hell. He still wasn't sure if Dean had ever fully forgiven him for Ruby and setting Lucifer free in the first place. Or, at least, that's what Satan had constantly insisted was fact.

"It's okay, Dean. It's gonna be okay. I've got him," had been his final words to his brother before he'd tumbled into the Pit. But he wasn't sure if he ever fully was okay after that.

He traced his scar again as he recalled the aftermath of hell. Being soulless. All the crap he pulled, people he'd hurt. Unforgivable. Not looking for Dean the whole year he was in Purgatory. He had once again felt the need for normalcy, this time through a dog and a girl named Amelia. Unforgivable. Pushing Dean away for trying to save him after the trials. That one had pushed Dean over the edge. That one had caused his bad-ass older brother, the one who had stood up to the archangel Michael and even Lucifer himself, to go dark. He hated to admit it, but Sam had gone dark for awhile too, lost without his brother.

And yet, they'd made it through even that. They'd forgiven and been forgiven. So much pain and heartache in their short lives, and they had beat it all.

Now, he didn't think anything could truly and completely break him. Not Leviathans, not any Knight of Hell, not even God's sister. Time and time again, after the constant beatings from ghosts, demons, vampires, or whatnot, Sam still came out ahead.

Even though humans were the current threat to the Winchesters, those British Men of Letters that had tortured him for days in disturbing, disgusting ways even for Sam. Even with all that, he'd conquer them soon enough.

But even after all the adversity he'd overcome, at the moment it felt like it was all for nothing. He pushed deeper into his scar. _She's not gone. Not really._ But he opened his eyes and the only one that stood before him was Dean.

Dean.

His brother was so obviously heartbroken. So obviously working furiously to build the near-inpenetrable wall he always put up when faced with an emotionally difficult situation. Their mother had left them again, this time of her own free will. He'd seen it coming. He knew Dean had too, much as his brother had desparately tried to ignore all the signs. Sam didn't blame his mother, of course. Thirty-three years. God, he couldn't even imagine how that could feel. He'd spent well over a century in hell, but his release back to Earth was away from pain and torture. Hers was from her little family that she loved. Time heals all things though, right?

Sam let his hands fall to his side. Time would work it's magic sooner or later, but until then Sam would find solace in Dean, the brother he'd always looked up to. And he knew that he would be the only one who could gradually chip away at the barrier building around his brother's heart. All three Winchesters just needed something that everyone else took for granted, but they cherished: time. It would be okay, it would be alright. Sooner or later.


End file.
